Baby daddy: Keeping a sane relationship through sleep deprivation

AUGUST 28 -- Not much runs smoothly in my life now that my new son Hunter has joined Miranda and me at home.

Even the most mundane daily activities in my life have become a chore, whether I'm doing the laundry, cooking dinner or even taking a shower. The one thing I have found that is the most difficult and the most important thing to keep on track is the relationship between my baby momma and me.

Of course, like any relationship, we have had our ups and our downs. But, without a doubt, she is the one for me. I say that mostly because I'm not to sure anyone else would put up with my antics and strange habits. It seems the arrival of Hunter has really polarized the extremes of our relationship.

WWAAA, WAAAA, WA, WA, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, A, A, A, W, W, W, W, WA, WA, WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAA.

Now if you think reading that is annoying you should try having a 12-pound little man screaming it in your face at 2 in the morning. The boy has a touch of the colic and can sometimes be quite the handful at night. We hold our breath as 10 p.m. rolls around. That’s usually when we get to see if we get loveable Hunter, who likes to blow spit bubbles and sleep throughout the night. Or, are we saddled with Monster who can scream for hours straight and not tire? Do we get the sucker of sleep and the melter of brains?

Whenever Hunter is good at night and allows us to sleep peacefully, the relationship between my lovely baby mamma and myself is the best it could be. We huddle around his crib arm-in-arm in our P.J.’s admiring how our baby stew has cooked to perfection. It’s a delight to hear his every coo, and ahhh as his little mouth twists into a smile. We have no doubt he dreams of parties at the Playboy Mansion and the endless supply of opportunities for a delicious dinner that are bouncing and frolicking around him. Mandy and I kiss his minuscule head goodnight then head off for a much anticipated five hours of sleep -- on a good night.

When Monster rears his angry red head it’s hard not to go temporarily insane. Now, I'm not saying Brittney Spears insane or anything, but nonetheless, you want to break down and scream before the worst is over. Nothing can appease Monster when he is in one of his fits. He swats a boob away, throws his pacifier clear across the room, no bouncy seat or baby swing can relax him. You can only imagine the frustration that sets in at that point. Monster’s negative attitude spreads to Mandy and I. Just as our relationship grows closer when we are well rested and get a good night’s sleep, our relationship grows rocky after hours of crying baby and sleepless nights. Harsh words can be exchanged in the midst of trying to sooth Monster. Everything seems to become a point of contention and stupid fights breakout over who actually gets more sleep on a daily basis. Feelings get hurt and pride gets bruised, but at that point, nothing is more important then getting him to sleep so you can grab a quick, unsatisfying nap.

The morning is filled with snide text messages back and forth as the early morning arguments fester on the mind and I become even more convinced that Mandy is in the wrong and I --of course-- must be right. That is, until I come to my senses. Sure I may miss out on a few hours of sleep here and there but is it really that bad compared to what she has to put up with? I mean, being the human refrigerator for someone has to be exhausting right?

Finally, the drama is put to an end after awkward conversations are carefully felt out and a sandwich is made and shoulders are rubbed. This is just another perfect example of how a relationship works: I have found that there is a direct correlation between sleep and happiness. The more sleep you get, the happier you are. Now, not everything that a person loses sleep over has to be a bad thing. If it were, I doubt Hunter would be with us today.