I don't like you like that

Two sexes, two planets -- UDN editor Marques Phillips and freelance relationship writer Anne Giacovelli are Mars vs. Venus.

Question: How do you know he/she doesn't like you like that? 

       MARS       

 "Every relationship has rules and those rules are established from the onset" 

I like you the same way I like puppies in the shelter: You're cute, and I'll come visit you, but you aint coming home with me. 

Listen, it's not you it's me or I think you're a really good girl or whatever else you need to hear in order you to stop asking me if we're ever going to take that leap. It's awkward and I'm about as uncomfortable talking about it as a fat guy is in biker shorts. 

I mean you're cool, but not my type. Call me crazy, but those dingy jeans and that oily hair isn't screaming girlfriend to me. 

The problem is, guys aren't as good at drawing the line as girls are. So, we might come over on a drunk Wednesday, but never on movie night. 

So, she thinks that means we like her, well we do, just not like that. 

Guy signs can be hard to read because we like to keep a few subs on the bench in case our starters don't get the job done, but if you look closely you can see that you're not in the game. 

The truth is, if I liked you, you wouldn't have to call 10 times before I respond. Nothing says "I don't care" like that third unanswered phone call. 

Also, you don't know where I live or what my last name is. Why does that tell you that I'm opening up to you? 

And, just because I ate some of your coffee cakes when I had the munchies, doesn't mean that I'm in it for the long hall. 

See, every relationship has rules and those rules are established from the onset. Guess what? We don't want to change the rules. 

If we don't talk before 12 a.m. now, don't call me tomorrow at dinner time. And, if I usually leave after a couple hours, it's not because I don't want to wear out my welcome. 

Guys hardly ever say no to girls. However, when we don't say anything when you tell us how much you're in love, you can take that as a "not so much" from our end. 

This is what our rules are, I don't know how to play if you keep changing them.   

      VENUS       

"I'll get back to you as soon as I solve world hunger."

We can't all like each other. We can't all fall in love with just anyone. So how do you get out of it when you've started something you can't finish or when you were more lonely than interested to begin with?

You say something that most of the time will make the other person feel better. Cushion the blow to their ego. However, anyone who has had experience with relationships knows what is really going on and what is meant. Just in case you don't, or in case you forgot, the following are reminders. As usual ... love hurts.



What Guys Say/Mean:

'

You're too high maintenance.' - I'm lazy and/or you're not worth the effort.  It would be like putting Premium gas in a 1995 Neon.  



'You're too good of a girl.” - You're a prude, and I would have to put a lot of time, effort and money into something where there are no guarantees.



'I'm not ready.' - I think I can do better or I have already found someone I think may be better. You may hear from me in a couple of weeks when I get lonely because the new girl turned out to be just as shallow as I am. 



'We're not in the same place.' - You're picking out a white dress and I'm shopping at Fredericks of Hollywood ... Maybe, or maybe not, for you.



'I'm Gay.' - I am going to an extreme here to avoid hurting your feelings. Please don't question me or be surprised when I still don't want to go shopping with you.



'I think you're great and all but you're not really my type ' - In my eyes, you're too fat, too skinny, your boobs are too small, you don't have an ass, your ass is too big …

'My text messaging isn't working' I don't want to respond to you.  You can't make a text message appear by staring at your phone.



What Girls Say/Mean:



'We're not on the same page.' - I still think I can get better or I know I will not be the girlfriend I can be nor do I want to try to be with you.  Or, summer is coming.  



'I'm not ready.' - I'm caviar and you are store brand canned tuna.  I'm Dom Perignon and you're Martini & Rossi Asti.  You get the point.  



'I don't have the time.' - If I really liked you, I'd make some time.



'I'm not being a good girlfriend and here is why ...' - Break up with me so I don't have to feel the guilt of breaking your heart.



'We're too good of friends' – The thought of sleeping with you makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit.



'I'm sorry, you're not really my type.' - You have this awkward, fake self-confidence where you feel you have to compensate for areas where you lack um, shall we say endowment, with either ridiculous physical measures (GTL, fist pump appropriate here) or arrogant condescending speech which makes us know that you're trying your best to make up for something (in other words, you're kind of a tool). I'm just not interested.

'Hi, this is Venus, you've reached my voice mail.  Please leave me a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I solve world hunger' You'll never hear from me again.