Mars vs. Venus: Can girls and guys have healthy friendships

Two sexes, two planets -- UDN editor Marques Phillips and freelance relationship writer Anne Giacovelli are Mars vs. Venus.

QUESTION: Can guys and girls be just friends?

          MARS                   

"Thankfully, in many circumstances, people are judged by their actions and not their thoughts" 

It's a cliche, and easy to say: Guys and girls get along like cats and dogs.

How stupid.

My dogs and cats love each other. They sniff eachother's backsides, sometimes are involved in a chase, but just as often, they sleep on either end of the same sofa.

So, yeah, girls can get along with guys, and it's stupid to suggest otherwise. The real question is: Are they looking to sniff eachother's backsides?

The answer: of course they are.

Guys like girls and girls like guys. This attraction is handed down by the giver of life as a mechanism of recreating one's species. To think that some sort of mutual promise or awkward situation can trump the will of the creator is foolish.

However, thankfully in many circumstances, people are judged by their actions and not their thoughts.

Guys and girls are constantly sizing eachother up physically -- duh! When one sex sees the other, they immediately make a physical judgement: Would I? Could I? Of course, if the answer to either of those questions is no, it doesn't mean that you ignore that person's existence. That would be like never riding in a standard car because you can't operate a stickshift. You can't always drive the car, but you can certainly benefit from some of its features from the passenger seat.

Now, the whole concept that people enjoy physical encounters with the opposite sex brews some tension when those two sexes are aligned. Naturally, boyfriends and girlfriends would be skeptical when their mate has opposite sex friends. It's like a fat guy that doesn't like fast-food getting a job at McDonald's: he may never eat them, but the fact that the burgers are there may concern his nutritionist.

Everything is about boundaries, appropriateness and trust. There are societal standards, relationship protocols and pure instances of common sense. However, every time a girl and a guy are together there is a risk that one is attracted to the other. That's obviously not always the case. Even when it is, it takes too to tango and one to make things uncomfortable. These friendships will last when nobody is ever made exceedingly uncomfortable.

But, in a case when half the planet is of the opposite sex, it would be a sad state of affairs if you could never befriend one of them.

         VENUS                 

"The key is to be honest from the beginning" 

Can guys and girls really be just friends?  They should be.

If not for any other reason, they can give you some great advice that your girls or boys can not.  Of course your friend of the opposite sex can not speak for every member of the opposite sex no more than Mars and I can speak for every member of our genders because every situation is different.  However, the insight from a friend who has the same frame of mind as people you date is priceless. 

Sure, it may be difficult to be friends with someone of the opposite sex.   But, the good things in life are not supposed to be easy.  I think the key is to be honest from the beginning.  If all you want is friendship you need to say so.  Now, some people may see you're lack of interest in them as more than a friend as a challenge and therefore they may be even more interested in you in a romantic way.  However, stick to your guns and don't fall for the passes, no matter how lonely you are or how many rounds you have had with Jose Cuervo.  If you treasure that person as a friend, don't let anything come between that.

What if you're the one who wants more?  Again, I'd say, be honest and if that person does not feel the same then decide if you can handle being his or her 'go to, advice giving, one of the guy's (or girls) buddies'. 

When it comes to being friends with ex's, tread lightly.  Work on being civil when you see your ex with his or her new fling before you commit to the late night advice giving of how he or she should make their next move with your replacement.  Jealousy is ugly, but it is very real. 

At the very least a good friendship with a person of the opposite sex is a good trial run and helps you figure out what a romantic relationship should be like.  After all, friendship and romance should go hand in hand … when its the right person, the right time and all that jazz.